Caught In A Mosh: August 2011

Four!!!

I forgot, and I’m sorry. June was this column’s four-year anniversary, but like a horrible, drunk, stoned lazy, fatfuck of a father, I forgot my own child’s birthday and didn’t even realize it until two months later.

Sorry, kid. I just got busy, you know? It doesn’t mean Daddy doesn’t love you, little “Caught In A Mosh.” It just means that sometimes when he should be celebrating your fourth year in print he gets the chance to talk to Chris Reifert about Autopsy‘s reunion, instead. That’s fucking killer stuff, Son. You understand, right? I know, I know. I could have done something last month to make up for it. But St. Martin’s Press sent me Enter Night to read, and I thought it would be awesome to have Mick Wall give the dirt on Metallica.

And sometimes Dad loses track of time ’cause he’s watching Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, starring Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Or Mega Piranha starring Tiffany. Or Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid starring Deborah Gibson and Tiffany. Deborah Gibson and Tiffany! Anyway, this month is all about you. And me. What better way to celebrate your milestone than to interview me, the man who created you and is responsible for your triumphant rise to power?

Now, fetch me a beer, boy!

Mosh: Did you think “Caught In A Mosh” would still be around in four years when you started the column in 2007?
Mosh: Next question. I’ve always wanted to say that in a meaningful context. Using it as the reply to the very first question is even sweeter.

M: Do you remember any titles kicked around other than “Caught In A Mosh”?
M: No. I remember really wanting to have a Megadeth title or lyric, though. The dude from Pitchfork [Brandon Stosuy] used a Slayer title [“Show No Mercy”], so that was out. I probably kicked around Metallica themes, but because of my loyalty to Megadeth would have never pulled the trigger. [Oddly, the author’s monthly Des Moines/Chicago metal showcase, “Metal Up Your Tap,” is a riff on a Metallica T-shirt – Ed.] Looking back, “Skin O’ My Teeth” would have been perfect. Or anything other than “Caught In A Mosh,” which is obviously an Anthrax song, a band I never cared a lot about.

M: Who was your favorite interview?
M: Did you just ask that because it’s an obvious question to ask bands? “What’s your favorite of all the albums you’ve recorded?” Are you patronizing me? I feel like I’m being patronized.

M: Not at all. Just thought it was a fair question, given all the interviews you’ve done.
M: O.K. Tough question, though. There are quite a few favorites. “Metalacolypse” creator/performer/songwriter Brendon Small was fun. He was supposed to do the interview in character as Pickles, Skwisgaar, and Nathan Explosion, but had a cold or something. Or he was just tired of doing those voices for every asshole who asked. I don’t blame him. Chuck Billy from Testament was awesome. Decibel Editor Albert Mudrian was a good interview, and even though it was via e-mail, Alan A. Nemtheanga from Primordial was very enthusiastic. Just to say I interviewed Fenriz from Darkthrone is a nice feather in the cap. Same goes for Chris Reifert and Autopsy. Mike Muir was probably my favorite, though. I had no idea what to expect from him, and he does have a bit of a reputation, obviously, but he was so fucking cool. I met him at the Chicago show right after that, and he was just as cool in person. He actually stood on the floor of House Of Blues after ST’s set and signed autographs and took pictures for every last person who asked.

M: Any particularly bad ones?
M: As in bad interviews? Like they were jerk offs?

M: Yeah.
M: Honestly, no. There were certainly ones that were more difficult. Recently, for example, Mick Wall took his sweet-ass time plus some to send back his e-mail responses. He also replied with all capital letters, completely defeating the purpose of e-mail interviews, which is to avoid transcriptions. Chris Black of Dawnbringer agreed to an interview, then declined after reading the questions, protesting the amount of “scene” stuff. I pleaded my case, though, and convinced him to change his mind. I think Nucleus is easily one of the best heavy-metal records of the last five years, so it would have been disappointing, to say the least, for that to fall through. I expected Kyle Shutt from The Sword to be a knob, just because I had heard a lot of stories about those guys, but he was very cool, actually.

M: So was the Suicidal Tendencies column your favorite?
M: My favorite column never got printed. I wrote, what I think to be, a really good column earlier this year about a goat I met named Leonard Baphomet Obscurum Uphorbenoth who reviewed some songs with me. We listened to some Testament, Havok, Weedeater, Enthroned, and just riffed, you know? I honestly thought it was one of the best “Mosh” columns ever and was super stoked for people to read it. Unfortunately, IE editor-in-jerk Steve Forstneger thought it was awful. So awful, he actually paid me not to run it. It was the only time in four years “Caught In A Mosh” wasn’t in IE. This month might be the second, though. Not sure Forstneger is going to see the humor in you interviewing me, who is actually yourself.

M: But the piece that was supposed to run fell through at the last minute!
M: Hey pal, you don’t have to defend yourself to me. I know how shit goes, man. All I’m saying is, Forstneger has lost his sense of humor over the years. So who knows if he’s going to laugh his ass off at this or send you an e-mail demanding to know “What the hell is this” and bitching about how it has nothing to do with music. The guy doesn’t like Super Troopers for shit’s sake.

M: Fuck. All right, well, did you ever see the goat again?
M: Yes, but my wife sees him way more than me. Like, once a week actually. What the hell is that all about, anyway? Whatever. Yeah, he’s always asking when it’s running. I think he wants to read it outloud, chant-like, while he sacrifices a virgin or something. I just keep telling him it’s going to run in IE’s next “Metal Issue,” so that buys me a lot of time.

MOSH-WORTHY: Totimoshi Avenger (At A Loss); Fair To Midland Arrows & Anchors (E1); Devin Townsend Project Deconstruct (Inside Out); Exhumed All Guts, No Glory (Relapse); Gentlemans Pistols At Her Majesty’s Pleasure (Metal Blade/Rise Above).

MOSH-WORTHY . . . LIVE: Uriah Heep (8/11; Mojoes, Joliet); High Spirits (8/20 and 8/21: Reggies and Glenwood Ave. Arts Fest) Toxic Holocaust and Holy Grail (8/25; Reggies); Droids Attack and Lo-Pan (8/26; Red Line Tap); Enslaved and Ghost (9/2; Bottom Lounge).

– Trevor Fisher

Category: Caught In A Mosh, Columns, Monthly