Setting Sail In A Sea Of Smooth

Yacht Rock
Columbia Yacht Club (Monroe Harbor), Chicago
Saturday, September 6, 2008

From 1976 to 1984, the radio waves were dominated by really smooth music, also known as yacht rock. These yacht rockers docked a remarkable fleet of number-one hits, and every song has a story behind it.

And those stories are hilarious, or at least the versions told by J.D. Ryznar and Hunter D. Stair, which are often jam packed with horribly fake mustaches, wonderfully real chest hair, and plenty of F-bombs. Ryznar and Stair are the creators of “Yacht Rock” (we stole the entire lead paragraph from the first episode, by the way), a series of shorts that ran on the Web site Channel 101 in 2005 and gave behind-the-scenes takes on how songs like The Doobie Brothers’ “What A Fool Believes,” Toto’s “Amanda,” and Christopher Cross’ “Sailing” were written. Ryznar plays ex-Doobie/Greatest Background Singer Ever, Michael McDonald and Stair plays smooth songwriter-turned-sweet rocker Kenny Loggins. Other regulars include the aforementioned Toto and Cross, Steely Dan, Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, and Jim Messina, who lives in an alley, drinks his life away, and curses Loggins’ name for going solo.

A basic episode goes like this: Toto are hired to write smooth music for Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Jackson, though, is “drillin’ more cooch than Black And Decker” now that he’s doing hard rock with Eddie Van Halen. Toto go to McDonald for help, and the Blue-Eyed Soul Singer immediately signs on because he’ll “do anything for smooth music.” Along with Loggins, the trio of hitmakers end up tricking Jackson (whom Loggins says has the power to kill smooth music for the next 10 years) to work with Toto, and thus, the super-smooth “Human Nature” is born.

Chicago-based DJs Bald Eagle and STV SLV have been throwing parties to celebrate yacht rock music for two years now, but this weekend’s Stay Smooth X: Overboard will surely be the smoothest yet, thanks to appearances by Stair and Hollywood Steve (“Yacht Rock” host), who will screen the entire series of five-minute shows (11 in all – about 489 too few) on a real-life fucking yacht! Eagle and SLV will also be spinning smooth cuts, and cover band Haulin’ Boats will perform.

Before you head to the Club, make sure you check the Stay Smooth X Myspace site, which has some dress attire tips: Jean shorts and captain’s hats suggested.

— Trevor Fisher

Click here to download “Yacht Rock #4 — Rosanna.”

Category: Stage Buzz, Weekly