The Portillo’s Music Shell? President Obama flushed his Al Green capital down the toilet when he butchered the word “Lollapalooza” in his explanation for the G-8 deserting Chicago. “La Palooza,” as he coined it, certainly inundated the White House press office with “WTFF?” e-mails, along with purposefully incorrect syllable breakdowns of Coachella and Bonnaroo to even the field. British Prime Minister David Cameron got in on the action, and immediately dispatched VIP tickets so Big Boss Barry could attend the “reeding” festival in England this summer.

STRAT’D FOR CASH

The mixture of music and corporations makes people nervous — nothing new there. But with Fender Guitars, the nightmare returns. It first stepped on a rollercoaster when founder Leo Fender — due to his health — sold the company (the manufacturer of iconic instruments like the Stratocaster, Telecaster, and P-Bass) to CBS in the ’60s, which gave birth to the slur known worldwide as a “Japanese Strat.” Owned today by a private-equity firm, its overseers decided in March to file with the Securities & Exchange Commission for a $200 million initial public offering. (Gibson Guitars is a private corporation, which means its shares are not traded publicly.) Naturally, red flags have flown because corporations — by law — are obligated to make money for their investors, and when times are tough they cut costs. Half of the IPO money would be directed to pay down a $100 million loan; part of the company’s pitch is to invade the Chinese and Indian markets. Wall Street’s worry, however, is the continued decline of rock music in the United States, mocked by the sales growth of DJ and computer equipment.

WELL, THAT’S A (LOT OF) CHEAP TRICK!

Through an exclusive agreement with Popmarket, Sony’s reissue arm Legacy began releasing complete-album collections featuring such heavy hitters as Miles Davis, Judas Priest, John Denver, and Billie Holiday, though the one that naturally sticks out to us is Cheap Trick’s The Complete Epic Albums Collection. To some, the requested $100 bounty represents a bargain, since it includes 13 releases and counts the rare Found All The Parts EP among them. You also get 1998’s expanded Budokan, and scaled-down reproductions of all the album sleeves. To others, it’d be masochism to spring for anything including the press-savaged All Shook Up, The Doctor, and Busted. (A similar argument arose on the Popmarket page for a Lou Reed bundle, as fans weigh the risks of purchasing Metal Machine Music.) At least the ratio of good-to-bad isn’t as low as Robert Christgau’s rationale for agreeing to like Cheap Trick: two pretty guys, two ugly.

– Steve Forstneger

UNION JACKED UP

Molding eager unknowns into the next big thing on “The Voice” is just Adam Levine’s day job. The Maroon 5 frontman took a break from his mentor duties on the NBC reality competition to preen and prance for Rosie O’Donnell, Billy Dec, and a few hundred fawning fans (er . . . rewards members) in Union Station’s cavernous Great Hall as part of a four-city concert extravaganza hosted by Caesars Entertainment Corporation. The “Escape To Total Rewards” promotion on March 1st beamed in Lil Wayne from L.A., Mariah Carey from New York, and Celine Dion from Sin City via satellite between quick sets from Sara Bareilles (channeling Beyoncé on a “Single Ladies” better suited to a solitary night in than a wedding bouquet toss) and Levine’s crew. Maroon 5 flipped the formula by starting with the inescapable “Moves Like Jagger,” before seamlessly transitioning into the band’s string of radio hits that double as earworms. Not even a rattling train ride home can push out the remnants of Levine’s helium voice.

– Janine Schaults

The cover photo on Taylor Swift’s Holiday Collection – lying apparently topless on a futon while clutching a guitar – set a new low for increasingly tossed-off seasonal albums. Seeking to inject some life into winter music, we asked our staff to dig up the best of what’s around.

In no order: “Christmas Eve/Sarajevo” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra; “Little Drummer Boy” by Jars Of Clay or Bob Seger; “Silent Night” by Sinéad O’Connor; “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” by Barenaked Ladies with Sarah McLachlan; “Merry Christmas Baby” by Chuck Berry or Bruce Springsteen; “No Presents For Christmas” by King Diamond; “Black Xmas” by Venom; “Cashing In On Christmas” by Bad News; “Christmas With The Devil” by Spinal Tap; “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love; “Merry Christmas From The Family” by Robert Earl Keen; “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm” by Dean Martin; “Christmas In Hollis” by Run-D.M.C.; “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley; “Run Rudolph Run” by Keith Richards; “Re-Gifting For The Holidays” by The Alice Project; “She Feels Like Christmas Day” by The Critics; “Christmas Time” by The dB’s; “This Christmas” by Shoes; and “Christmas Ride” by Fight. Sorry, JBeebs. Some other time?

Invigorated

So how about 2011? If we can carve a list of the top seasonal hits in 50 years, certainly we can widdle down the best overall from the past 12 months. Nopers. When asked to submit their top songs, our writers overlapped zero. While that bodes well for the predictable Spin/Pitchfork flavor of the annual Pazz & Jop poll, it also underscores the musical disunity MP3 players have sown. Even when two plucky AOR-leaning IE scribes could settle on a band (Foo Fighters) they couldn’t agree on a tune (“Walk” vs. “Rope”). Terrence Flamm made some space for local bands on his (“Miss You On Tuesday” – The Handcuffs; “Broken Baby Dollhouse” – Phil Angotti; “Pictures Of A Masquerade” – Bad Examples; “How Dangerous” – Smoking Popes; “Monitor Me” – The Laureates), so we’ll print those before restarting this machine and seeing if we can’t get a little conformity.

Letters Of The Month: D & J

Heading someone off at the pass isn’t common hip-hop lingo, but it’s what Def Jam Recordings: The First 25 Years Of The Last Great Record Label does. Proclaiming “Our artists speak for themselves (’cause they can’t sing)” repels rockist criticisms of the ultimate rap record label. The nearly 300-page, LP-shaped book attempts to capture what Rick Rubin and Russell Simmons set out to build in the early ’80s. From lucid LL Cool J, Slayer, and Beastie Boys anecdotes to clearly hopeful, promotional myth-making about Young Jeezy and Rick Ross, the book carefully captures the co-optation of an American dream, but one that is distinctly American. Whatever your opinion of hip-hop culture, this is the story of how it happened, and no one comes out unscathed.

Motor Town

“Come On Christmas” aside, Cheap Trick nestle into our December coverage upon the announcement of the band’s plans to “curate” a Chicago-themed music-history museum on the site of an old Buick dealership on Michigan Avenue. Pounded into the old 2245 S. space on the former Record Row/Motor Row district will be a combination “one-of-a-kind eatery, unique musical instrument museum, radio station, and performance space as well as rooftop and outdoor and event space in the future Music Row in Chicago.” As we’ve been chronicling, this South Loop revival has been enlivened since Mayor Emanuel took office, but has gained considerable steam in recent months. Of course, it’ll take more sustained investment than a rock band’s proclamation to revive the area, but the fear put into the band from the disaster at this summer’s Ottawa (Canada) Bluesfest means they’ll be home to work on things.

– Steve Forstneger

This past Friday, Def Leppard rocked a sprawling, First Midwest crowd eager to experience a band that claims to inspire the “Rock Of Ages.” By the night’s end, it proved the claim.

Cheap Trick and Poison were more than capable openers as the latter saturated the audience with “Talk Dirty To Me” and other expertly played hits. In case anyone had a lingering doubt, frontman Bret Michaels did — between harmonica solos and playful banter with guitarist C.C. DeVille — plug his infamous VH1 reality show, “Rock Of Love,” and alleged that the show has enabled him to meet many beautiful Chicago women. As the band expectedly closed with its sensitive side showing (“Every Rose Has Its Thorn” belted out by Michaels, bandana and all), one couldn’t help wish the guilty pleasure that is Poison would stick around a while longer. But then, the main event arrived.

Def Leppard opened with an eye-popping video collage, showcasing the band’s history up through 2008’s Songs From The Sparkle Lounge. Soon, the opening riffs of “Rocket” were heard as the band emerged to amorous applause. Joe Elliott sang in his iconic, ageless Leppard voice while action shots of Phil Collen, a smiling Rick Allen, and the rest of the band were projected on to the overhead screens. “Animal” followed, accompanied by a circus-themed slideshow not lacking in its depictions of tattooed pin-up girls.

After Sparkle Lounge’s, “C’mon C’mon,” the band performed its chart-topping anthem, “Love Bites,” as a drop of blood slowly splashing into water played on video. Elliott’s heart-wrenching vocals echoed the desperate mood set by the visuals and the audience was quick to sing the chorus and equal the passionate verve Def Leppard poured into the music. As the song came to a close, bassist Rick Savage transitioned into a smooth and electrifying solo that boomed past the stage illuminated in a deep, blue-shaded light. And, as the band moved into the second half of its set with the slow and sexy “Rock On,” Def Leppard had more than met the expectations of its devotees.

– Stephanie Sadler

You wouldn’t be out of line accusing Cheap Trick of coasting. Their last album was named for their hometown of Rockford and featured cartoon images of themselves on the cover; this summer’s release bears the oh-so-cunning title The Latest. A year ago they toured as an opener for Journey and Heart, and in summer ‘09 they’ll be trying to woo the rigid ears of highly discriminating Def Leppard and Poison fans.

Appearing: Friday, July 17th at First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre in Tinley Park.

But as anyone can tell you, a vehicle on cruise-control starts to strain as it moves uphill — Cheap Trick are actually gaining speed. Following an avalanche of duelling praise for Rockford (hailed as both expansive and a return-to-form), The Latest vies for double-take status as the best of the band’s career. You don’t need to forget what you know about Cheap Trick, but for 41 minutes the band virtuosoistically weave their familiar, youthful pomp through a song cycle as beguiling for its richness as its maturity. It’d be stately if it weren’t so damned impish.

“California Girl” hijacks The Beach Boys and Motley Crue at gunpoint, “Times Of Our Lives” shimmers with prismatic color, and Slade cover “When The Lights Are Out” jumps like pint glasses balanced on the beat of a British stomp. The 100-m.p.h. “Sick Man Of Europe” teeters on the punk edge that shone their influence through Nirvana’s Nevermind, “Miss Tomorrow” reverses the beam with Guided By Voices-like oblivion, while “Miracle” paints a bloodshot, post-Beatles rendez-vous between Lennon, McCartney, and Harrison. The Beatles association is no surprise for even the most casual fan, though the past year has seen them hired to play a three-night stand at Los Angeles’ Hollywood Bowl where the band performed their “interpretation” of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band with a full orchestra. They reassume the position this fall for three weeks at the Las Vegas Hilton, and have another layover in La-La Land for the theme to this summer’s Transformers sequel, Revenge Of The Fallen.

All this news, and guitarist Rick Nielsen wants to audition for . . . our switchboard operator. In this time of economic stress, singer Robin Zander, bassist Tom Petersson, and drummer Bun E. Carlos will have to hang onto him for now. The following is our late-June conversation with Mr. Nielsen.

Rick Nielsen: Are you calling and complaining that I’m not on time?

IE: Nope.
RN: I didn’t think so. I got a call from my publicist: “Rick! What are you doing? Why aren’t you making this phone call? What are you doing?! What are you doing?!” Uhhh, well, sometimes the interviewer wants to know more than “Ooops! Your time is up!” I’ll miss my 9:20 to 9:35 and there’s going to be hell to pay! Illinois Entertainer is way more important than all of these — so screw ‘em all! How ’bout that for being punk and pissed off!?

IE: How are you feeling these days?
RN: Good! How come you have an automated telephone?

IE: That’s just the way it is. I sometimes work from my home office so I can watch my daughter.
RN: Good! So your calls are forwarded right to your home?

IE: Yes. But it’s not all rosy — you can lose track of what day it is.
RN: That’s a musician talking! I like it. Better than farming your kids out to someone you don’t know for a long time.

IE: I don’t envy people that. But that’s enough about me.
RN: It is? Great!

IE: Let’s talk about you.
RN: I don’t care. I want to talk about baby daycare. We were in the movie [Daddy Day Care], so I know the deal.

IE: Your Latest and greatest is out tomorrow. Do you still get excited about releasing albums?
RN: Well, yeah. We don’t make these just because we’re a moving-target dartboard. “Let’s put this out and see if people hate this one.” No, we actually kind of enjoy making records. We put them out and people kind of like ‘em. If they don’t – that’s never been our intention: “Let’s make a record everyone will hate!” “O.K., great!” [Laughs.] We’re not artsy enough to have gone that far yet.

IE: It seemed for awhile that when Andy Gerber of Million Yen would send us studio news with a photograph, you were always in it. Are you always there?
RN: I haven’t been to Andy Gerber’s lately. So if he sends you pictures, they’re fakes. [Laughs.] That poor guy: I slept on his couch for the last record and the one before that just working on songs. It’s like, do you want to stay at a hotel? No. I want to be there where the music is. Plus, I liked answering his telephone. He had some weird people calling him for awhile. If they were extra weird, I’d carry on long conversations with them. If they were only semi-weird, I just said I was the secretary there.

IE: If you wanted, you could work for us and be my automated outgoing message.
RN: I could be the live operator. You could forward all your calls to me before they get to you. All kinds of possibilities. Andy’s sending more pictures of me?

IE: Not lately. But at one point it was every month that we saw your smiling mug.
RN: I like working at Andy’s. He hasn’t called me. I don’t know what the deal is.

IE: Sometimes men leave.
RN: He thought I was just one of the scary people who call him on the phone.

IE: Are you addicted to recording?
RN: My tan shows it, yes. I like music. I like the fact of recording. It’s really fun. I just enjoy it.

IE: Does it affect you when Cheap Trick decide to make an album? Do you have to take steps to get out of experimentation mode and think about what will work for a larger group of songs?
RN: I don’t know. I treat each song as the most important thing I do, even though it doesn’t seem like it. [Laughs.] I like doing one song at a time. I think one of the things that has been consistent in the last years of what we do is we don’t go and do everything all at once. Then it starts to sound the same; the thoughts are all the same. The only thing we do like that is the mixing [process]. We take what we do in December and we take what we do in July and remix them at the same time — that keeps the songs consistent.

IE: So are there dedicated writing sessions, or do you pull from a pool of songs?
RN: Well, me? I never feel like, “All right: I gotta write something.” Oh, brother. That makes it seem that you’ve got to think of it like a job, when writing songs shouldn’t be like that. It should be you write when you feel like writing. Maybe you write one song in 10 days, or one song in 10 months. I don’t think we’ve ever had the problem where anybody’s clamoring for us to have a new record. But we’ve put out quite a few records in our career.

IE: What’s the oldest song on The Latest?
RN: I don’t know. I didn’t write them all from scratch. Some of the stuff is a couple of older kind of things, and some of the stuff is brand new. If something is not finished, it’s not finished whether it was from a month or 10 years ago.

IE: Do you have a list of open-ended songs you’re still trying to figure out?
RN: Sort of. On the Rockford album, that song “O Claire” [humming the melody], I had written it but never had the middle part. Right before we recorded it, that middle part came around and it wasn’t like we were holding out on it or whatever. It was just like, “I like this song, but it’s missing a part.” That’s O.K., so we worked on the part. On the new record, “Miracle” was ready for the last album. Robin, there was something he didn’t like about it and we vote if it’s going to make the record. Three guys voted “yes,” and one guy wasn’t sure. Robin said there was something missing so we held off and re-recorded it for this record.

–Steve Forstneger

For the full interview, grab the July issue, free throughout Chicagoland.