Caught In A Mosh: May 2010
Three Years A-Moshing
Almost. Truth is, June is this column’s official birthday, but — lucky you — I’ve decided to celebrate early.
Why? Necessity. In a five-day span last month my wife had a colectomy, my father suffered a minor heart attack, and my sister — getting ready to visit Dad — tripped, conked her coconut, lost consciousness, and ended up in the emergency room.
Needless to say, such a flurry of bodily harm left precious little time for writing. I know. I know. I should have been on the ball enough to file my text with Illinois Entertainer before the wife’s scheduled colon-yanking. But I wasn’t.
Luckily, my editor is a caring, understanding, roguishly handsome gentleman who understands shit fucking happens. And because of shit fucking happening, you’re getting a highlight reel of quotes this month. Coining it a celebration of the column’s first three years — a “Caught In A Mosh” greatest-hits compilation, if you will — makes me feel a lot better, though.
Two quick bits first. First, fuck Lollapalooza. Another year with absolutely no metal acts. (Say Wolfmother. I dare ya.) Tool played last year? Better than nothin’, but that’s metal for people who don’t like metal. Would it kill the dicks at C3 Presents to book one honest-to-goodness heavy-metal band? Would the profit be totally wiped out if Skeletonwitch was on the bill instead of My Dear Disco? Maybe throw Nachtmystium in the mix? Might as well, it couldn’t be any more confusing to longtime followers than Addicts: Black Meddle Pt. II. Which brings us to my second bit: People are going to flip the fuck out when they hear this record, out via Century Media on June 8th. You aren’t prepared. Believe me. Witnessing the reaction on both sides of the fence — love and hate — will be fun.
June 2009 — “Metalocalypse” co-creator Brendan Small discusses the best part of the show’s success: “The coolest thing about the entire show, though, I think, is the whole guitar thing. Just the fact there’s an endorsement deal from Gibson. I’m just a big Gibson geek; Line 6, Krank Amps, just getting to talk to these guys. Just cool shit like that. It’s one of those things where I don’t think I’d give a fuck about any endorsement. There have been some people come to us with like, ‘How about a shampoo endorsement?’ I don’t give a fuck about shampoo. But guitars? Those I like to use. Guitars are cool. Pedals are cool. Amps are cool any day of the week. I’m sure we could get a lot of money from doing a big McDonald’s crossover. Who knows? Maybe someday they’ll put up an offer we can’t refuse. But right now, I’d never want to do it. But, money can talk me out of anything. So how about that for artistic integrity? Or as Nathan Explosion said, not to quote myself, ‘Though I do not believe this is the right thing to do artistically, I do, however, believe that this is the right thing to do financially.'”
April 2010 — Darkthrone drummer Fenriz on “That ’70s Show” character Red: “What, you think his son is cooler? NO ONE is cooler than Red, plus he’s a hard-ass, and I prefer that to URKEL.”
August 2007 — “Mosh” asks Beatallica guitarist/singer Jaymz Lennfield if he has any other pop/metal bash-up-band ideas: “Barry Manowar.”
September 2010 — Decibel editor-in-chief Albert Mudrian explains why some bands won’t participate in his magazine’s “Hall Of Fame” feature: “Sometimes you don’t get any reason at all. They just say no. Like Refused just aptly says no. Neurosis say no, but they’re very polite. It’s generally you don’t get a reason. I guess the oddest thing is that pact the ex-Helmet members have. They all got together, or at least John Stanier I think was kind of the architect of that. We had Henry Bogdan and the other guitar player [Peter Mengede], and one of them had committed to doing the interview before John Stanier stepped in and fucking shut him down! I don’t know what went on in that Helmet lineup. I would assume it’s something not good. I would assume someone feels they were wronged in a serious way, and I’m guessing that guy was John Stanier. Whatever. We’ve tried. It’s nice, though because now I don’t have to pretend like I give a shit about Battles [laughs].”
March 2008 — Reptoids guitarist/vocalist Karen Binor on trying, unsuccessfully, to hire music producer Matt Bayles and his staff: “They’re like ‘Reptoids? More like Repturds.'”
February 2008 — Nachtmystium frontman Blake Judd admits outgrowing black metal’s hardline mentality: “That kind of music, especially that angle of it, attracts people who are uncomfortable with themselves. I was one of those people — a teenager. The attitude is still there, it’s just all these insecure idiots trying to uphold this ‘I’m an elitist, arrr, I’m at my mom’s house.’ Fuck you, dude. Go get a fucking job. Drive a Lexus when you’re 20, and then you’re an elitist. Fuck off. I chuckle at black metal. I don’t chuckle at it all, but I chuckle at that mentality. And I laugh at myself five years ago when I was that guy.”
December 2008 — Suicidal Tendencies’ Mike Muir talks about the band’s yet-to-be-released new record: “There’s a lot of stuff that no one’s listened to, and that’s cool with me because you do music because you love it. You do a record because there’s a purpose and a reason, and I think that when people hear the record I think there will be a lot of people who are the same as every [album] — a lot of people who are really excited and a lot of people really bummed out. I think a lot of people will be bummed out for the right reason: because it’s Suicidal and it’s a lot better than the bands they like.
May 2009 — Primordial frontman Alan A. Nemtheanga (pictured) offers his opinion on the designation “folk metal”: “I think I hate this term even more than ‘pagan metal.’ This brings to mind cringe-worthingly bad bands from Italy, Germany, or Spain singing about Vikings using the same tired, boring chords and notations we’ve all heard a million times before. Just because you put an accordion in there and wear old shirts you bought from the medieval market doesn’t make it interesting, and doesn’t mean you can get away with thudding along on the same barre chord underneath while you drop in variations on the opening notes of [Finntroll’s] ‘Trollhammeren’ over the top. Get a life, find out about your own area, your own culture, your own indigenous instruments and songs. Stop stealing things from Scandinavia. Listen to Hammerheart by Bathory, and learn from the master.”
MOSH-WORTHY: Cathedral The Guessing Game (Nuclear Blast); Bison B.C. Dark Ages (Metal Blade); Reptoids v3.0 demo; Borknagar, Universal (Indie Recordings); Semen Datura Einsamkeit (ATMF).
MOSH-WORTHY . . . LIVE: Metal Haven farewell show with (Kommandant/High Spirits/The Chasm at Reggie’s, 5/1); Tyr/Earthen Grave/Urn (Bottom Lounge, 5/4); Killing Joke (Empty Bottle, 5/28-29); Blood Of The Tyrant (Exit, 5/30); Entombed/Sweet Cobra (Reggie’s, 6/5).
— Trevor Fisher
Category: Caught In A Mosh, Columns, Monthly
