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File: March 2007

| February 28, 2007 | 0 Comments

All For Nothing

Believe us, this “File” box would have been a lot more fun had the Bears offense not looked like the junior varsity B team in the Super Bowl. But damnit, we planned to mention the Bears anthems (good and bad) the team’s first trip to the big game in 21 years inspired, and we ain’t quitters.

Kanye West and Common had a massive advantage over the rest of the “Bears Songs” pack: huge budgets, talent — all the resources in the world. So why is “Southside Superbowl” so crappy? “Back again on the mic/I’m as nasty as Grossman.” Really, Common? Angel Meléndez and his “Super Bears Cha Cha,” on the other hand, is two-and-a-half minutes worth every Bears fan’s time. Cha-Cha rhythms and impressive rapping by Pola Bare make the IE staff happy. Quent Lang and Mike Flynn‘s (both of Jimmy Rodgers And The Mauds) R&B booty-shaker, “Chi-Town To Miami,” scores a touchdown for being the first Super Bowl Bears song out of the gate, but throws an interception in the red zone for only offering a snippet of the song and making us pay to hear the whole thing. The Sausage Committee‘s (led by, er, Abe Froman) “Black N Bruise Crew” might be ho-hum rap rock, but earn a first round draft pick nonetheless for incorporating ex-Arizona coach Dennis Green’s semi-psychotic “The Bears Are Who We Thought They Were” rant into the song. Big Hit Buda And The Brown Pound’s “We Da Bears” features a chorus that says “Fire in the eyes/can’t stop our drive/hittin’ so hard/remind you of ’85.” If only any of that had been the case against the Colts.

All things considered, the award for best Bears Super Bowl song is . . . “The Super Bowl Shuffle,” of course. At least that one resulted in a victory.

Revolution Or Retardation

Ozzfest 2007 . . . free? It’s hard to imagine, after years or raping and pillaging the pocketbooks of metalheads across the country, Ozzy and (mostly) Sharon Osbourne have suddenly developed a conscience, but they would like you to think so.

Rumors started making the rounds in early February Ozzfest would somehow do away with paid admission, and sure enough, on February 5th, the Osbournes, along with tour producer Live Nation, held a press conference in Los Angeles confirming the news. The plan is to underwrite the festival costs by getting more and bigger sponsors involved. So if you plan on attending one of the 25 Ozzfest dates this summer, expect not only a second stage presented by Hot Topic but probably port-a-pots courtesy of Xbox and toilet paper thanks to Rockstar energy drink.

Concert patrons will still be required to have tickets for admission, they just won’t pay for them. Instead, they will go to www.ozzfest.com or www. livenation.com to find links that will direct them to sponsor sites where tickets can be secured. Sharon swears nothing will change as far as concession or merchandise prices are concerned (beer will still only be $10 a cup, not $15 — whew!), but there will be one slight difference: None of the bands will be paid.

This is good news for the majority of the second stage bands who, in prior years, have actually had to pay Sharon to be part of the festivities, but it raises one giant question: Who the hell is going to play for free? One answer is Ozzy, who will headline the mainstage, but it should be interesting to see if the Osbournes and Live Nation can convince any mainstage-worthy acts to sweat out a cross-country trek for merch profits.

Cotton Candy, Corn Dogs, And Aerosmith

It’s come to this: Aerosmith are playing state fairs. According to www.sanluisobispo.com, the band, who haven’t written a rock song worth their legacy since 1993, will perform at the California Mid-State Fair in Paso Robles this summer as part of their 2007 world tour.

Makes you wonder where Mötley Crüe, who opened for Aerosmith during their last tour, will be playing next time they hit the road. Get your tickets now for the Crüe’s Rockin’ Six Flags National Tour?

— Trevor Fisher

Category: Columns, File, Monthly

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